is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
