Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
