Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
