that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She swung at the pinata with crutches
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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