After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
