The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
