he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize