i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
