So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
