Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
