Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
