It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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