Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
