yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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