dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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