I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
