My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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