i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
