The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
