if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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