On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
