guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
