I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
