her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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