So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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