How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
