Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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