what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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