There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
