I didn't shave. On purpose
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
