I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
