No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
