Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
