Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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