Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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