I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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