So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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