It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
