so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
