That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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