I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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