I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
