stop calling my apartment porn island.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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