note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
