Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
