I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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