Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
