my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
