she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
