It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sex in a hospital.. check
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
