I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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